The featured image for this post is an 18-year-old me at my senior prom.
The recent graduation season inspired me to reflect on my own past graduations particularly my graduation from high school. I thought about what I would at 40 say to my 18-year-old self as she headed to college and embarked on a new phase of her life’s journey, so in the voice of my alter-ego Phoenix, I wrote to a letter to that younger version of myself. Phoenix is who I would be if I lived life more fearlessly. I hope her advice to me in some way resonates with you.
Fallon,
I know you are scared as you embark on a new journey as a college Freshman at TCU, but be encouraged. You are enough and have everything it takes to succeed.
While in college, you will learn new things, make friends, have lots of laughs and fun, realize you have a Houston accent, and pledge Delta. It will be one of the best and rewarding times of your life. Your faith in God will anchor you and although you won’t live perfectly, His grace will cover you. You will graduate on time and do well in school overall.
Don’t worry about who likes you, or focus on seeking the approval of others. You were created to be uniquely you. Focus instead on:
Loving yourself – No you’re not perfect but who is? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe it!!!
Knowing yourself – Journal and spend time with you! Uncover your deepest desires and don’t be afraid to go after them. Girl you’re young! Now is the time!
Healing yourself – Your childhood trauma is real and is manifesting itself in all kinds of ways without you realizing it. You will bring an unhealed version of yourself to your relationships which will play a part in things not working out. Some people are not meant for you and you won’t see this as clearly until you heal. Healing will help you choose better for yourself. Seek therapy and healing. Your healed self will serve you and everyone around you well.
Oh and another thing, girl if you don’t stop holding back! Recognize and walk in your greatness! Take up space! Just like you decided not to try out for cheerleading or run for homecoming queen in high school because you didn’t feel worthy or good enough, you will also decline the nomination for VP of your collegiate Delta chapter for the same reasons. You will regret not taking a chance and betting on yourself. Looking back on it, even if you didn’t win or were somehow unsuccessful, you would have learned something and wouldn’t have to live with wondering “what if.”
Maybe you don’t hear it enough or much at all, but you are worthy, you are good enough.
You will understand that more and more with time though. God will send you a son who you will notice will shrink around others, smothering his bright and funny personality. This will encourage you to model for him that it’s ok to live out loud and not hold back. You will be intentional about starting new generational patterns.
Oh and before I forget, I know you don’t like when people call you prissy or a Southern Belle, but don’t look down on your personal style, sweet nature or your Southern charm. Along with your natural intellect, you will adapt these things to serve you well in your future role as an HR Manager where your client groups will appreciate your warm, understanding, and charming approach.
I know your light scares you and you’re to polite to have anyone be uncomfortable, but you owe it to yourself to live the life God designed for you and to live out your purpose.
Embrace it!
Your number one fan,
Phoenix
